best aspects of being single are not having to answer to anyone regarding your actions; freedom to move ie: day to day activities decided by one's self; no pressure to provide for another

worst aspects of being single: lack of companionship; sleeping alone; cooking for one; no one to share experiences with.

i have learned a lot about myself being single. who i am, what i like to do, where i like to go, what i'm not willing to give up should someone come into the picture but, i have learned even more when i have been in serious relationships with others. how willing i am to compromise, how the interaction has effected my moods etc. how love can make me feel.

i asked a woman out once, who had been my waitress at a restaurant downtown. it had been a long process and we finally went out for dinner one night. afterwards we ended up driving down to blaine washington to play pool and then to bellingham to just see what we could see. we almost ended up in seattle but she decided we should go home. the date lasted from 7 pm until almost 4 am. it was very spontaneous considering we had never been out before and really didn't know each other. we dated for almost a year and are now best friends.

i have had my fair share of one night stands and there was probably a point where i really liked them. now i'm afraid i avoid them like the plague. with the advent of the condom as a must during sex, the real fun sort of casual sex went out the window - which may be a blessing in disguise. i feel better now about where i'm at in this regard. the end of the one-nighter is the worst no matter how good the sex was. the obligatory exchanging of numbers, the getting together of your things, the 'see ya'. I have returned to this act a few times recently but hate the net result. The sex is bad, regardless of what others say and i can do without it.

i find now that i hate casual dating. i find it hard getting to really know someone because everyone has their defense's up-including myself. no one likes to start at the beginning over and over again. sometimes it's exciting, and i have had many of those, but often it's awkward and constricting and ends with a long drive back to their place. sometimes the person you think you asked out turns into someone else at dinner/movie/bowling.

i think while i was dating/sleeping around a lot i had issues regarding commitment but as i have gotten older and have gotten to know myself better this had disappeared. i am no longer concerned with the grass on the other side of the fence.

i resent sometimes that my friends have coupled and seem to have no time for anyone outside themselves because they're so in love but that's their thing and i can't change that about them. i'll be a couple when i want to be a couple.

courtship could very well be the best part of the entire dance. the attention paid to another, the flowers, the dinners, the dance around all the while trying to look natural. all the stuff before the sex even comes into play-unless the sex came first and now you're trying to keep your catch. the nerves, the butterflies, the anticipation...it's all good. i have done things in this regard that i would only tell to my best friends. but suffice to say i have done everything short of writing in the sky to try and attract a woman i have been smitten with. sometimes it has worked, sometimes not. although i must say, in regards to those i have really wanted to date as opposed to those i have just wanted to sleep with my success rate is alarmingly good despite my lack of good looks. i have sent flowers anonymously, i have sent desserts, i have offered and given rides that have gone on for hundreds of miles all for the love of a beautiful woman. i sure hope courtship has a place in the modern world. if not i'm doing some things now that are entirely pointless.

the characteristics i look for in a partner or a relationship are these..
-someone i can hang out with long after the sex is over
-play pinball with, walk around, eat ice cream and laugh at the boom cars. generally have fun being stupid.
-someone who is very easy going and who understands what it is to be me and i understand what it is to be them.
-someone who wants me but doesn't need me.
-independence
-well read, intelligent, funny
-a general lack of make-up
-someone who likes hal hartley films
-likes cereal
-so many things that i can't list here because i don't really know about them yet. intangibles.

i like it when someone accepts the fact that i'm getting older and that i have few gray hairs and slight, if not growing love handles. i am not a big fan of being too politically correct. men are men and women women. why can't certain things remain the same? so many issues regarding labels and sexual conduct. respect seems to be the only thing we need to consider. my relationships have always been based on respect so i feel no pressure from any new set of rules to conform. i have to admit though that i have found myself being overly polite in certain situations simply because i felt it was appropriate how someone looks is, naturally, the first thing one sees when one sees another person but how long can you simply look at someone. there has to be something else. i have gone out with some beautiful women but after a while have given them a pass simply because i/we had nothing else in common besides liking the way each of us looked to the other.

my biggest personal challenge would have to be getting over others imperfections. not physical imperfections but things that one may do that i just don't understand, that they themselves can't really address. maybe i'm too logical and can't see the point of certain actions. maybe i'm anal.

i was with one woman for seven years and was very in love with her. i have, oddly, had other relationships that have lasted much shorter times where i have been much more in love. i would say that all told, not counting anything less than a few months, that i have had in the area of seven serious relationships. i was completely committed and i terms of what it meant to me in comparison to marriages of other eras, well, i can only assume it was very similar. i was in for the long haul, if there was to be one. i was never looking for the way out. sure, they faded and fell apart but i don't look upon them as failures. just part of the map of my life.

most of my good relationships have lasted because of the understanding of who we were, what we wanted, and that we loved each other but we didn't really need each other and that we had our own lives. while i haven't had a real relationship in quite some time, well, maybe not that long, the last few fell apart for several different reasons. one woman had issues with her past that she wasn't willing to share with me which lead to lying and a general lack of communication. others had to do with one persons expectations exceeding the others and maybe one person being completely ready to commit while the other had a ways to go to get there. i also love my own time and have had a hard time reassuring some partners that my wanting to be alone at certain times had nothing to do with not wanting to see them.

my openness has often gotten me into trouble. i am often more willing than my partner to discuss issues that may be affecting the relationship. i am generally an open person in all of my relationships, friend and otherwise. this can perhaps rub some people the wrong way but it gets it all out into the open and then there's no question as to what's going on. in my next relationship i would like to be more understanding, not that i haven't been in the past, just more. be more able to commit, to hold one position, care unconditionally.

i ended a relationship with a woman i had been dating/living with after seven years. it was very strange if only because of the nature of it. i was confused with where i was headed. i regret it all now, especially after learning of her recent engagement. i had an affair with some one who found me exciting, something that had gone away from my relationship. i felt as if this new woman would solve all of my problems, which turned out to not be so - naturally. in many ways the whole affair helped me to realize that things aren't always perfect and that there are no quick fixes.

other relationships have seemingly just ended without any warning or reasons. just gone. and within hours i have been out and about as if nothing has happened, even though i may have been in love with the person. i once broke up with a woman after learning she was sleeping with five other men besides myself. not cheating five times but five guys in rotation. i was in toronto and i phoned her and when i found out i told her wanted all her stuff out of my house by the time i got home. four day later i was home and there wasn't even the smell of her. one of her other boyfriends called and we had a long chat. i have to admit that i was mean to her for the better part of a month and said very poor things about her to others. but i did manage to get some financial restitution and she eventually moved to the interior to be with her father and attend a counseling center there.

i think i want the same things my parents did but on different levels. am i traditional? sure in many respects. love hasn't changes much in a thousand years. we all want it and regardless of how we go about it we all end up with the same deep feelings that guide us thorough courtship, infatuation, and sex.

sure marriages/significant relationships that break up have some sort of >problem...but is it a problem? i'm not sure. things now are so much different than they were when our parents were getting hitched. one breadwinner compared to two now. different goals for both partners, stress differences. i can't even begin to give the reasons for break ups, exceptto site my own. growing apart, interest changes, job relocation, boredom.

i can't speak for my parents relationship(s). my parents are divorced and have spoken very little about it to either one of them. it seems that they went into it as some sort of rite of passage. i regard it as generational differences.

some of my peers are married, others, like myself are still looking for something. it seems that more and more of my friends are waiting longer and longer before getting seriously hitched. preferring to get their career set first then looking for mr/mrs. right. at this rate the next few generations will be getting married when they're fifty

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