"Someone can be entertaining, they can be loving, they can be everything, but if I can’t feel sure that they’re there when I need them or that they’re going to be on time or not let me down - that’s important."

"I think that financial stability is very important. I’m not a believer in ‘love conquers all.’ There’s a lot of stress and pressure put on you from all sorts of things but the last thing you need in a relationship is to be worrying and arguing about where the money’s coming from. It’s also important for me to have an independent source of income, and to have my financial independence."

"Responsibility is really high up there now, which it didn’t use to be. Intelligence….all the shallow things of course, good looks, charm, sense of humour, all of those things. It never would have occurred to me a few years ago that responsibility would be important, but as it turns out it is, I need to know that I can rely on someone."

I met Andrew at his cottage in Ontario. He was living here and I was at U of T at the time …We were up for the regatta.

"There were lots of dumb boys and they were all stoned. The only interesting person was Andrew, who was talking about something completely beyond my experience to do with physics - but it was the only interesting conversation in the room so I placed myself in that corner."

" They have a jetski up there and no one else would go on it with me because I’m a crazy driver. So Andrew came with me, he was driving. I was on the ski-bob and I fell off and smashed my head on the water. And then Andrew came and picked me up. Water was coming out of my eyeballs and he pulled me out (mimes him pulling her out). I saw this hand coming and he pulled me up and I remember looking up and I was like, oh wow. I just remember looking up and thinking how blue his eyes were and ‘oh, I could like this guy.’ "

"So we went on a few dates, we went kayaking…sent e-mails. Nothing serious, just dating…" "Then when I graduated I came home and I knew, OK, this is the man I want to be with. I came home and then we’ve been going out ever since."

When Andrew proposed to me it was a big surprise in the timing. I was already sure we’d get married and that he’d propose to me, but I was just starting grad school and Andrew had just started a new company - there were all these things going on. I thought, OK, well it’ll be in a couple of years. But I came home, the last day of work…I came home late and it was a date day. I decided because we’re so busy, we needed to have a specific day we go on a date, or do something. We had dinner reservations and I was late. I came home and I couldn’t see Andrew anywhere and I was yelling ‘where are you?’ I came in the door and there was a huge bunch of exotic flowers and a scrolled up note with a ribbon beside it. I thought, fine, he’s trying to be romantic, it’s date night. So I unrolled it and it said, ‘read the note beside the yellow roses.’ So I went in and there was another scrolled up note, it was in calligraphy, and I read the note beside the other flowers. At this point my friends were phoning me because I was late, and I was wondering where Andrew was. When I got to the last one (he knew where I was, I guess I was making lots of noise), he came out, I guess he was hiding in the bedroom or something. There was a hibiscus plant - I still have it, it’s flowering outside. There was a scroll and a ribbon with a ring.

"It didn’t even occur to me that it was a real ring, or what it meant, so I unscrolled it. The note said something like, ‘Anna my darling will you marry me?’ I was in such shock. I didn’t expect it. I was just sitting there unpicking the knot. Andrew was just waiting and finally he had to ask me, ‘well?’ And then I said yes, I was so taken aback and in shock I couldn’t eat anything. We got to the restaurant and I was like, I need a drink now!"

"With Andrew, it’s interesting because I could never have imagined myself with someone with a background in physics and computers. He doesn’t really read, he only reads novels with me. It’s turned out that’s the best match, because we compliment each other."

"I think sex is an important part of a relationship. I don’t think it’s the essence of a relationship, but it’s a way to keep intimate and to actually spend some time together. That sounds funny, but it’s also a way you cooperate with your partner. It’s really something that you can work on over the years, and it can really demonstrate like nothing else… if there’s an imbalance of power in the relationship, that’s going to come out in your sex life."

"It brings down boundaries and brings down walls and makes an easy forum for discussion."

"I’d say I’m very open to discussing my feelings with Andrew. We make a huge effort at communicating with one another. With Andrew, he finds it easier to find out what’s going on inside him, what’s bothering him, and then he can clearly communicate it [whereas she gets emotional]"

"We’re not competitive in that sense - we have our own interests, but we’re both intelligent and stimulating to each other."

"Andrew’s a risk-taker, he’s an entrepreneur. I have my own career, I’m a professional. I know I’ll always be making a reasonable amount of money."

"I guess in some ways I do think of myself as being traditional. It is important to me to be married and to have a family. On the other hand, it’s also very important for me to have a career."

"I want our children going to private school. We’ve both been to private school. I want to give them all the things that anyone wants to give their children, but I do want them to have a good education, and I don’t want to be scrimping and saving on giving them things."

"I’m intending on having a career my whole life. It’s important because I want to have a nanny. I’m not going to sit home looking after children all day. I love children but my career is very important."

"My parents got divorced when I was about 16, separated when I was about 12. Most of my friends have grown up with parents who have divorced, separated, or had affairs. A lot of people I know going into a marriage whose parents are still together seem much more concerned about the longevity of marriage than my friends who’ve come through the divorced or separated family. You learn from your parents’ mistakes, you learn from others’ mistakes. It’s different nowadays, we’re older when we get married."

[today] "Women know who they are when they get married, they’re (a) older, but (b) they’ve lived on their own, they’ve been away to university, they’re professionals. So they’re a lot more sure of who they are and what they want out of a relationship when they do get married."

"I think when people break up - young people - it’s not because they’re not right for each other, it’s that they’re expecting too much. They have this ideal view of the way marriage should be. Everything should be perfect and you should always be in love. It’s a highly romanticized view."

"It seems that people, when they stay together, it’s because they’re able to realize that they’re not always going to feel in love. They can love on another and support one another and respect one another without having to feel in love all the time, and that there are times in your life when you’re going to feel more distant from your partner but that’s normal. I think people don’t expect that. At the slightest hint of stress, they think, OK, I’m going to find a more perfect one."

"It’s never occurred to me, growing up, that I couldn’t be what I wanted to be…unlike, I know, some people from other backgrounds. In that sense I’m a feminist, I suppose you’d call it, but I like it when men open doors for me, I like it when men pull chairs out for me, some of those traditions which I think are really lovely and I don’t think it impinges upon my individuality as a woman."

"People who are my age, I think most guys are comfortable with the roles that women have. I’d say probably even guys 10 years older than us, no, it’s really confusing. But my male friends who are my age, they’ve grown up with it. They know that women are independent and highly demanding. The only negative thing I guess is still that I don’t see a lot of men picking up their children from school, looking after their children in that time that would be theirs."

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